Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
