they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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