im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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