My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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