i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize