Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
