The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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