Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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