Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
