I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
