I want to have your abortion
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
