Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
