im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
