you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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