Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
