Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
