Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
