he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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