A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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