Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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