mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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