Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
