Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
