So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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