I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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