i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
