It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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