I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
