it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
