I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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