I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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