My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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