you win again, gameday.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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