Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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