It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
