Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
