I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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