I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize