I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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