Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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