There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
