Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
