Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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