Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
