im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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