Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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