Sponge bath it is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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