I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Umm I'm too high to move.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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