Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
