As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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