You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
