When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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