I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
