They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
