she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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