Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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