Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
