I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
