I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
