Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know her cup size but not her name....
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