I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
did you just send me my own nude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
