saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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