I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
