The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
