We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
