You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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