he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
