how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
