We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am spending my child support on dildos
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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