My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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