dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
