I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
