you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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