i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
