Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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