Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
