i think my tv is drunk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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