The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
