You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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