So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
