what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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